1. 求評分雅思大作文
1 This issue has attracted intense attention and various methods to relieve the pressure are available. 有語法問題，把are available去掉就可以了。
2 people can also feel tired with their eyes after keep watching things for a long time 在after後面的動詞要用doing
3 hang out with your friends is the best way. 改成hanging out
總體來說，本文有如下問題：
1 句式模板化太強，可能你認為很酷，但我告訴你這樣的作文分數肯定不高。一篇好的文章，句子要很有針對性，或者說同樣的話不同文章裡面，句式是有變體的。一個能應用於很多文章裡面的句子，是一個套句，是不具有針對性的句子，是不會打高分的。
2 本文過於追求套路，造成邏輯上不連貫，第二段很機械，一會兒說讀書好，一會又說不好，一會說鍛煉好，一會又說鍛煉不好。沒有條理，沒有邏輯。
3 本文對與hanging out的解釋也不是很直接，要說出與讀書，和鍛煉相比，hanging out有哪些優勢，這樣才有說服力。
4 總之，本文過去關注句式，關注套路，關注模板一樣的東西，造成文章很死，不靈活，回答問題沒有針對性，沒有說服力。寫作其實是一個分享思路，分享思想的過程，太把他當成考試，就不好了。如仍然不懂，細聊吧！
2. 求雅思作文高手批改作文，給出評分哈
The debate nowadays draws our attention to whether we should preserve the lesser-known languages. Personally ,I prefer the idea that languages,as a kind of culture, play a significant role in the society,thus the extinction of some languages cannot be overlooked.
Nevertheless,there are still some indivials have the recognition that a universal language is necessary to remove the barrier for global communication.This is partly true for we are not such convenient to take an interpreter along when we travel around.while if we choose a given language ,such as English,as a global language,it will be easier for us to communicate with others.
However,the difference of language is based on the diversity of culture.Thus,I am hard-pressed to imagine what the world would like without the variety of culture.For instance,Navajo , a race living in America for hundreds of years, have their own living habits as well as language,but now those delicate cultures have to face extinction e to the isolation of their language.According to the research, I think it is our obligation to preserve the lesser-known language for the sake of protecting the culture heritage on Earth.
Furthermore,some particular jobs in contemporary society also need a host of talents majoring in those languages.Take archaeologist as an example,they should be skilled in some ancient languages,as only in this way,can they fully understand those relics left by our ancestors,and enrich the human history.Whereas,the loss of language is also a loss of talents.
In summary,we should take action to preserve the near-extinct language rather than neglecting them.Only in this way,can we serve our decendants a world with colourful culture.
Wow, very good, there are a few grammar mistakes, oh and you said:
Furthermore,some particular jobs in contemporary society also need a host of talents majoring in those languages.Take archaeologist as an example,they should be skilled in some ancient languages,as only in this way,can they fully understand those relics left by our ancestors,and enrich the human history.Whereas,the loss of language is also a loss of talents.
I think you should choose another job, because most archaeologists knows the language they specialise in, like Egyptian archaeologists know hieroglyphs well and all that. So choose another job.