1. 求评分雅思大作文
1 This issue has attracted intense attention and various methods to relieve the pressure are available. 有语法问题，把are available去掉就可以了。
2 people can also feel tired with their eyes after keep watching things for a long time 在after后面的动词要用doing
3 hang out with your friends is the best way. 改成hanging out
总体来说，本文有如下问题：
1 句式模板化太强，可能你认为很酷，但我告诉你这样的作文分数肯定不高。一篇好的文章，句子要很有针对性，或者说同样的话不同文章里面，句式是有变体的。一个能应用于很多文章里面的句子，是一个套句，是不具有针对性的句子，是不会打高分的。
2 本文过于追求套路，造成逻辑上不连贯，第二段很机械，一会儿说读书好，一会又说不好，一会说锻炼好，一会又说锻炼不好。没有条理，没有逻辑。
3 本文对与hanging out的解释也不是很直接，要说出与读书，和锻炼相比，hanging out有哪些优势，这样才有说服力。
4 总之，本文过去关注句式，关注套路，关注模板一样的东西，造成文章很死，不灵活，回答问题没有针对性，没有说服力。写作其实是一个分享思路，分享思想的过程，太把他当成考试，就不好了。如仍然不懂，细聊吧！
2. 求雅思作文高手批改作文，给出评分哈
The debate nowadays draws our attention to whether we should preserve the lesser-known languages. Personally ,I prefer the idea that languages,as a kind of culture, play a significant role in the society,thus the extinction of some languages cannot be overlooked.
Nevertheless,there are still some indivials have the recognition that a universal language is necessary to remove the barrier for global communication.This is partly true for we are not such convenient to take an interpreter along when we travel around.while if we choose a given language ,such as English,as a global language,it will be easier for us to communicate with others.
However,the difference of language is based on the diversity of culture.Thus,I am hard-pressed to imagine what the world would like without the variety of culture.For instance,Navajo , a race living in America for hundreds of years, have their own living habits as well as language,but now those delicate cultures have to face extinction e to the isolation of their language.According to the research, I think it is our obligation to preserve the lesser-known language for the sake of protecting the culture heritage on Earth.
Furthermore,some particular jobs in contemporary society also need a host of talents majoring in those languages.Take archaeologist as an example,they should be skilled in some ancient languages,as only in this way,can they fully understand those relics left by our ancestors,and enrich the human history.Whereas,the loss of language is also a loss of talents.
In summary,we should take action to preserve the near-extinct language rather than neglecting them.Only in this way,can we serve our decendants a world with colourful culture.
Wow, very good, there are a few grammar mistakes, oh and you said:
Furthermore,some particular jobs in contemporary society also need a host of talents majoring in those languages.Take archaeologist as an example,they should be skilled in some ancient languages,as only in this way,can they fully understand those relics left by our ancestors,and enrich the human history.Whereas,the loss of language is also a loss of talents.
I think you should choose another job, because most archaeologists knows the language they specialise in, like Egyptian archaeologists know hieroglyphs well and all that. So choose another job.